Nervous…

I’m just praying history isn’t about to repeat itself. 

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Worth it

I’ll come out and say it. 

This year I realized I have this horrible habit. This habit of giving up on relationships in my life. I don’t fix the issue, I find someone else. I’m not even talking about just romantic relationships but relationships of all varieties. Part of it is I get tired of being the only one making the effort, but part of it comes from being scarred by those that have come before. 

There are people who come into our lives who set the mold for the rest. I will always lose a good girl friend to a guy. I will always have the friend that abandons me because they think I’ve changed. I will always find a mother figure. I will always find these people or perhaps the problem attracts the temporary solution? 

I don’t believe I’m the only one who does this, but being aware of it makes me more careful to not make the same mistakes. The way to fix the problem is go to the original person and make things right, if possible. 

There for a long time was a mold of a guy who was lying to me, cheating on me, or in general treating me with much less respect than I deserved. It could be argued this is just guys in general, but there are exceptions so it can’t be true. 

I have to accept that people are relationships, not molds. The only common factor is yourself.  

There have been successes. There are friends who have stuck around throughout the years. And after all the guys, there has come one who’s been absolutely amazing. I’m not saying it’s perfect, perfection is quite boring. I met him quite literally running away from the one who broke my heart, into a place where my heart had been broken before. Talk about a hopeless place. 

But he stepped up to the challenge and…a guy who will come to your philanthropy at 3am in a tuxedo, just when you’re thinking he’s like the last guy who never showed up. A guy who will hold as you get sick, a guy who push your cart while you grocery shop, a guy who still months later, opens every door for you and when you are passed out, possibly intoxicated on the floor of your bathroom and he thinks you’re asleep he gives you a kiss on the forehead….I’d say he was worth all the bad ones before him.